Singles Dating Again: Do you come across as a stalker? From the day they were born, women have been taught to fear men. The woman you are dating does not know you. And she does not want to be stalked by you. More about singles and dating again:
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There are some strange things (to men) that make women nervous. Let's take a scenario to make this point. The potential stalker. On Monday evening Kristie comes home from work and sees on her caller ID that Steve, a man from her matchmaking service, has called her four times during the day. He did not leave a message because he wants to talk to Kristie personally and is trying to "catch her" at home. Kristie sees this as being strange, a potential stalker. Kristie debates about calling the guy back and decides to leave it until she returns from the business trip she has scheduled for the following three days. When Kristie returns Thursday night, she notices Steve has called her six more times, three times with messages. Two of those calls were nice messages, explaining who he was, and asking her to call him. She's feeling a little guilty about not calling the guy but she also feels apprehensive about a man who has nothing better to do than call her repeatedly. Maybe he is a little weird. On the third message, Steve makes his next-to-last mistake. He sounds irritated that he has not received a return call and asks her to call him immediately. That's it; he will probably never hear from Kristie. In addition to sounding weird, now he also sounds controlling. Kristie goes to work Friday, deciding to let it ride until the week-end. She wants to talk to her girlfriends about this and they are having lunch together Saturday. Saturday, Steve decides to call early in the morning, around 8:30 am, knowing that will increase his chances of talking to Kristie personally. That is the crowning blow here. Kristie is cold. After three or four sentences, she tells him she is not interested in meeting him because she doesn't feel like they have much in common. Maybe he presses her. Now she feels at best she is dealing with a nuisance; at worst she needs to avoid a personally harmful encounter with a psycho. She falls back on an excuse many women use to get rid of guys. She tells Steve she is seeing someone now. She's not, but she is not going to risk seeing Steve. Steve is not a potential stalker and he is not controlling. He's a really nice guy who doesn't understand women. In that he is not alone. In fact, he has the company of many men! Women want to be safe physically and emotionally. Believe it, guys! Anything from talking about sex too soon to revealing you looked up her address on the internet and already know where she lives can do it. It can give a woman a twinge of doubt about you or give her certain knowledge, in her mind, that you are a stalker, or maybe even totally crazy. Think before you look "unsafe" and scary. Call once leaving your "footprints" on caller ID. Call again, leaving a nice message explaining who you are and requesting a return call. Call back again in a couple of days. Explain who you are again and state very politely that you are leaving the ball in her court. Stop there! |
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