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Gender & Gender Roles: Gender difference are even present in how men and women "fake it" and what men and women "fake."
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Gender & Gender Roles Love
and Faking It For most men, love is the abyss. The big scary place that sucks them in, never again to return whole. It's different with sex. This is purely a self-indulgent bodily function for guys, no more or less committal than spitting on the sidewalk or say, wolfing down a T-bone steak. So, when a woman ambushes a
relationship for the first time with the words, "I love you," a factory-set
spark erupts inside the male brain. In the nanosecond it takes for the three-pronged
phrase to fall from female lips, panic strikes, sweat pours profusely and testosterone
levels deplete in record time. Thoughts like, "What do I say to
her now?" and "How fast can I get the hell out of here?" fight frantically
for his attention. Usually the man will follow up with an unexpected outburst that sounds
something like, "ARGGGGH!" What is it about saying the
"L" word that totally complicates a man's life? Due to an inexplicable
primordial trait in his DNA, a guy equates professing love with the irrevocable surrender
of freedom. Not only does he fear emotional & spiritual commitment, but also what he
considers a most unnatural set of behaviors will be required. That is, to forsake all others if he wants to continue a harmonious
co-existence with his object of desire. This is a rather tall order, for your average guy. No wonder the weakened warrior mumbles unintelligible sounds, collects his
belongings and flees for his life. Now he must devise a quick way to deal with the
relationship crisis. Cleverly, he avoids carrying his pager, conveniently has no
recollection of his lover's phone number and deliberately employs other evasive tactics.
What might happen if he were to recklessly forge ahead with the
relationship? Instead of relying on friendly grunting sounds and "Ooh Baby!" to
communicate, he would have to commit to memory certain, specific details such as his
girl's first and last name, as well as her actual birth date |
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Building on this fundamental block of knowledge, soon he would need to remember to change his underwear and take showers more often. Rote exercises such as these, day in and day out, are hard work for a typical male, and about as much fun for him as sitting through a weeklong series of crocheting lessons. Even if a man reciprocates with a heartfelt "I love you too", the astute woman wonders at least 49 times a day if he really means it. The truth is guys are skillful at faking love. Remember how he first seduced you, his female love target, by unleashing his charm, his wit and his intense way of looking at you with eyes that seemed to say, "I exist -- only for you." Ha! Don't be duped. All guys can pose as if they are truly listening to you drone on and on about the 14 million micro-events that led to your purchase of a gold lamé belt earlier that afternoon. Suddenly, when you break out of your trance, you look up. He's still there. Your boyfriend -- listening to you spill your guts. You're thinking, "How devoted! How sensitive he is. What an amazing human being!" Actually his head is merely nodding up and down in involuntary agreement, while he plots how to remove all your clothing in 3.5 seconds flat. Guys are not the only ones adept at faking. The female equivalent simply takes place in different form. Say you find yourself pinned Wile E. Coyote-like beneath your beau, and honestly, you really wish you were shopping instead. No problem. Soon enough, you'll find his body deep in conversation with yours. While he drones on, it's your turn to create a personal dreamscape. Perhaps you can slip away in an erotic time-travel fantasy. How about Neiman's in the mid-1970's -- when haute couture cost considerably less? By the way, when he's busy driving his point home, be sure to respond with some reassuring grunts, "Ooh Baby's!" and "ARGGGGHs!" More information about gender and gender roles.
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