Singles who are shy often find themselves in a chicken-and-egg situation. These shy singles avoid social situations because they are shy which means they are not developing better social skills to make them less shy.

Single and shy: Shyness is characterized by feeling tense in social situations, usually because social skills are not developed.  Since shy people often avoid social situations, they are not developing better social skills.

Single and Shy:
Which Comes First?
By SOLO Staff

Which comes first: remaining single or being shy?

Is this another chicken-and-egg situation with no true answer?

Being single in a large metroplex is not easy. Being shy makes singles life even harder!

Shyness is characterized by feeling tense in social situations, usually because social skills are not developed.

Since shy people often avoid social situations, they are not developing better social skills. More chicken-and-egg stuff!

Every single person has some situations when they feel shy. People who have overcome their shyness normally think about the other person rather that themselves.

For example, Pat is shy. Pat's attention is focused on Pat whenever encountering the opposite sex.

Imagine that you are Pat. You are in the grocery store choosing your healthy veggies and fruits.

An attractive person  of the opposite sex named Leslie  meets your eyes, smiles, and starts toward you.

Do you remain focused on Leslie or do you suddenly start thinking about you?

Most shy singles focus on themselves rather than the other person.

You are not focused on you. You are focused on finding something about Leslie that is attractive and can be mentioned in conversation with a stranger.

Leslie says hello. You speak and pay Leslie a compliment: a genuine compliment rather than a line you have memorized.

While you are focusing on Leslie, you have forgotten about Pat!

Go over and over this with different people in your mind. You probably have some real life situations you remember. If not, stay with imaginary situations.

Good exercise while you are relaxing to go to sleep at night or lying drowsy in the bed each morning.

Doing this exercise often is not only relaxing and will also go a long way to overcoming shyness.

Try it instead of television for a few minutes each day after work.

SOLO for Singles: Readers' Comments

I agree with this article except I would extend the theory back further to even before the egg. If you want something bad enough, you will find a way to overcome obstacles in your way, including shyness.

However, a low or nonexistent libido precludes the impetus to develop social skills. I'm 47-years-old and have never been on a date nor felt the desire or need to go on one. I also have a nonexistent repertoire of other emotional responses which may explain the absence of a sexual one. I never get angry, for example. Emotions are largely a learned behavioral response which I don't recall ever being taught, at home or in school. I am not shy in other areas, however. In fact my job requires me to deal with members of the public face to face throughout the day and I have no problem doing this.

Sublimation could be another factor resulting in social/sexual shyness. Fourteen-hour work days tend to supplant interest in anything other than sleep when you get home after a long day at the office.

Family members and work associates say I don't know what I'm missing by not socializing and dating. I guess I have to agree with them. How can you miss something you don't feel a need for in the first place? Data, the character in the Star Trek series and I seem to have a lot in common in this regard.
    Vvverryshyguy