Single Parents and the single family: Single parents can use the language of self-esteem to watch their children's esteem blossom.

  Single parents  can build self-esteem in their children by using the language of self-esteem. Single parents can use the language of self-esteem to watch their children's esteem blossom.

Self-Esteem from Single Parents:

The Language of Self-Esteem for Single Parents.
By Jan Wilson

Single parents have a powerful tool to build their children's self esteem. That is the "language" of self-esteem.

Have you ever considered what a powerful esteem builder language can be for your child?

Language is one of the prime determinants of self-esteem in children. If fact, it can build or destroy self-esteem.

Use the "language" of self-esteem.

Correct children using the language of self-esteem. Use the words "decide" and "choice" often. Stress the consequences of choices. Discuss the behavior, not the child.

Criticism may be easier for the single parent but it lowers self-esteem while having choices and control raises self-esteem.

Let's take an example. It is Robert's chore to empty the trash from the bathrooms and kitchen each day and then take that trash outside.

Robert is building a fort with Drew. Each day he rushes home and works on the fort till dark. The trash has not been emptied in three days.

Don't say, "Robert, you didn't empty the trash again. You may like to live like a pig just fine, but the rest of your family prefers to be clean."

To use the language of self-esteem, follow these steps when correcting children (always remembering that you want your child to think he/she is a valuable person):

1. Describe the behavior in nonjudgmental language such as, "The trash is still in the bathrooms and kitchen, Robert."

2. Give a simple, to-the-point reason for the behavior change such as, "We need to be rid of the trash to keep our home clean and odor free."

3. Acknowledge the child's feelings, motive, or situation by saying something like, "I know you need to get to school now. I also realize you are building that fort with Drew and rush to work on it each afternoon."

4. Using clear language, provide a statement of what is expected such as, "I want all trash cans empty by 6 o'clock this afternoon."

5. State a clear consequence for not completing your request such as, "If you choose to leave the trash in the house after six tonight, you are deciding to stay home alone this entire week-end."

Always stress to your children that life is a series of choices. The child is entirely responsible for his/her choices, decisions, and actions.

Utilize the words "choose" and "decide" to get this message across using the language of self-esteem. Discuss the action, not the child.

When Robert decides to keep playing with Drew  and he decides to leave the trash in the bathroom past the six o'clock deadline, he also makes a decision to stay home for the week-end.

His choice, his decision, his consequence. His increased self-esteem which you have bolstered using the language of self-esteem.

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